Caring for the carer

This Mental Health Awareness Month, let’s talk about the people holding everything (and everyone) together: the carers. From nurses in overstretched hospitals to family members quietly supporting loved ones at home, South Africa’s carers are often the unsung heroes of emotional and physical wellbeing. But here’s the thing: they’re struggling too and no one’s talking about it.

With International Nurses Day falling today, healthcare workers get a rare moment in the spotlight. But for most, the applause fades quickly. Behind closed doors and hospital curtains, carers are emotionally drained, mentally overwhelmed, and physically exhausted, often with very little support in return.

“We’re seeing more and more caregivers, especially nurses, teachers, and parents of children with special needs, coming to us with symptoms of extreme anxiety, brain fog, poor sleep, and chronic stress,” says Kerry Rudman, founder of Brain Harmonics, a local neurofeedback specialist practice. “They’re functioning on autopilot, constantly in survival mode. And they almost always put themselves last.”

And it’s not just a feeling. According to the South African Nursing Council, we’re facing a critical shortage of registered nurses. Thousands are retiring or leaving the country every year, and those who remain are doing more with less, often without psychological support or respite.

But this burnout isn’t confined to hospitals. It’s happening in homes across the country too. Women, who make up the majority of unpaid carers, are especially affected. Whether it’s looking after a child with learning differences, an ageing parent with dementia, or a partner battling a chronic illness, family caregivers are stretched thin. There’s often no pay, very little sleep, and hardly any backup.

“Mental health support is usually reserved for the person being cared for,” Rudman points out, “but what about the one doing the caring? These people are the glue holding families and systems together, and they’re coming apart quietly.”

At Brain Harmonics, carers are finding a lifeline through neurofeedback — a drug-free, non-invasive way to help the brain regulate itself. Think of it as brain gym, where the goal is to shift out of that wired, always-on state and return to calm, focused resilience.

“We monitor the brain’s activity and train it — much like going to gym, but for your brain,” explains Rudman. “What we often see in carers is a dysregulated nervous system — always alert, never resting. Neurofeedback helps the brain shift out of that hyper-vigilant state into calm, focused resilience.”

One recent client, a working mother caring for her autistic child, said the sessions helped her finally sleep, manage her emotions, and feel human again. “It was the first time in years I felt like I could breathe again,” she shared.

Rudman says it’s time to change how we speak about caregivers and mental health. “We need to stop applauding caregivers for their strength while ignoring the toll it takes. Strength isn’t silence. It’s asking for help and getting it.”

So, as South Africa reflects on mental health this May, it’s worth asking: Who is caring for the carer?

Because burnout isn’t just personal — it affects families, hospitals, schools, and entire communities.