Big Feelings, Little People: Helping Your Child Navigate Their Emotions

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Emotional meltdowns, anxious tummies and quiet stares – your child is speaking. Are you listening?

Raising small humans comes with big moments. Giggles, glitter, and games, yes, but also unexplained tears, sudden clinginess, or a Lego piece flung across the lounge.

These are more than just behaviour quirks; they’re emotional messages. Learning to understand and respond to these cues is one of the greatest parenting tools we can cultivate.

Your Child’s Body Speaks Before Their Words Do

According to wellness therapist and life skills coach Dora Pelizzari of Dora P Therapy in KwaZulu-Natal, “When a child is experiencing heavy emotions, they will show us what they don’t yet have words for. Parents just need to be aware and involved.”

This means paying attention to both the silent signals – like withdrawn behaviour or lowered eyes – and the explosive ones, like tantrums or defiance. Sometimes anxiety or stress appears in less obvious ways: persistent tummy aches, nail-biting, or repeated requests for the toilet.

“These are body messages,” Dora explains. “They’re not betrayals, but signposts guiding us towards a deeper emotional need.”

Helping Children Name Their Emotions

Children aged five to ten are still developing emotional literacy. They might frown before they speak or sulk before they explain. Tools like emotion wheels, drawing, or story-based roleplay can help them name and process feelings.

Dora suggests simple statements like, “I noticed you’re very quiet today – did something happen?” or, “What were you thinking about before your tummy started hurting?”

Art can be particularly powerful. “Drawing helps the mind relax and assists in gently unpacking emotions, especially when paired with calm, curious questions,” she says.

And most importantly, never dismiss a feeling. “All emotions are valid. They are wise messengers trying to tell us something,” Dora reminds us.

Be the Emotional Role Model You Wish You Had

It’s easy to forget that parenting is just as much about our own emotional regulation as it is about teaching it. Dora urges parents to model emotional honesty and self-awareness.

Try saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths to calm down,” or, “I’m experiencing sadness, and that’s okay.” This shows children that emotions are natural and manageable – not scary or shameful.

It’s also important to separate identity from emotion. Dora advises avoiding statements like “I am sad.” Instead, say “I am experiencing sadness,” which helps children learn that they are not defined by their emotions.

What Not to Say During a Meltdown

When your child is in emotional overdrive, the instinct to “fix it” quickly can be strong. But be mindful of the language you use. Phrases like:

• “Cowboys don’t cry.”
• “Put your big girl panties on.”
• “Here, have a snack – it’ll make you feel better.”

…may seem harmless, but can teach children to suppress their feelings. “These messages can lead to emotional eating or other unhealthy coping mechanisms later in life,” Dora cautions.

Instead, offer calm presence and connection: “Let’s take a deep breath together. I’m here, and we’ll ride this out together.”

Make Emotional Check-Ins Part of Daily Life

You don’t need therapy tools or fancy charts to raise an emotionally intelligent child. Dora recommends weaving emotional check-ins into your everyday routines:

• Dinner time: “What made you smile today?” or “Did anything make you feel sad?”
• Bath time: Create a safe space for open chat.
• Bedtime stories: Pause to talk about characters’ emotions.
• School run: Use the car as a safe space for quick “how are you feeling?” chats.

“Just normalise talking about emotions,” says Dora. “It’s about creating heart-to-heart connection where children feel loved, safe, and accepted.”

The End Goal? Emotional Security

When children feel seen, heard, and safe to express themselves, they’re more likely to develop secure attachment styles – the foundation for healthy future relationships.

“Whether you’re reparenting yourself or raising a child, emotional coaching is vital,” Dora concludes. “When children are guided to read their inner signals with kindness, they learn they are worthy of love, joy, and laughter.”

Because ultimately, big feelings aren’t the enemy – they’re the guides. With patience, curiosity, and connection, we can help our little ones grow into emotionally wise, resilient humans. And that’s the heart of mindful parenting.