Social fathering: The missing link in supporting SA’s boys

With Father’s Day this weekend, it’s worth sparing a thought for boys growing up without their biological fathers. The good news? Positive male role models, or “social fathers”, can make all the difference.

According to the State of South African Fathers 2024 report, a staggering 64.5% of children in SA don’t live with their biological dads. But over half of these children do live with other adult men: stepfathers, grandfathers, uncles or older brothers. And even beyond the home, positive father figures can come in the form of teachers, sports coaches, pastors or mentors.

So, what exactly is a social father? Wessel van den Berg of Equimundo Center for Masculinities and Social Justice puts it simply: “A social father is a man who steps into a fathering role, engaging with the child and providing caregiving, of course, with the full knowledge and consent of the child’s mother or guardian.”

One inspiring example is The Character Company (TCC), a non-profit that pairs boys with trained social fathers. Founder Jaco van Schalkwyk shares, “We’ve provided mentorship for over 1 100 boys, held almost 10 000 sessions and run 175 camps. It’s all about building a community where boys can connect with positive male role models, while mentors are supported on their own journeys.”

Of course, social fathering isn’t easy. As Jaco explains, it takes “patience, self-control, firm boundaries, confidence, and a relentlessly kind heart.” But the rewards? Immeasurable. “Social fathers are special people… they must have a strong personal intention and commitment to make a good difference in the lives of our boys.”

The key to making it work? Consistency. Jaco adds, “For a boy with an absent father, he wants to know he matters. The message from a social father is: you’re worth stepping up for.”

Feeling inspired? Find out more about becoming a TCC mentor at The Character Company.